Scream & Shout [confessional]

[Colleen]

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Week 13

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Thank god for Carly... she made me feel a bit better about my score, lol. I honestly was blank during majority of the challenge and then picked it up after 15 minutes went past. I felt like such a dumbass but whatever. Y U SO DUMB? Ryan won immunity which isn't bad since we just didn't want Carly to win.

However.........I thought this was gonna happen. Ryan is campaigning for Ben to get the boot which is definitely a smart decision. I've been thinking this but I wouldn't personally vote him out because I've had an alliance with him since the start. Everyone notices his "kiss ass" posts to the jury. Like he has good jury management that even though I love him, it's annoying af because he was apart of them leaving.

The only thing that worries me is that if I don't win the next immunity, Ryan would maybe push for me to get the boot since Carly definitely is the "goat" of this season. I know it's best for me if Ben does go so I'm not in a predicament next round but loyalty is more important to me and if I don't get any votes at the end of the game then it's my own fault for not playing better.

Blah

If Ellen is down with the idea, then it will go ahead. I will be shocked if Ellen is though because then it means I won't be 100% safe next round considering we're supposed to be in both F3 alliances. I won't be writing his name down at all.

[Colleen]

I'm gonna let Ellen decide what happens this round. I can't vote Ben out. I have to vote with my heart not my head. There's definitely pros and cons to this vote. My PMs to Ellen definitely are in favor of keeping Ben. We secure F3, if we keep Ben this round and it would be amazing considering we made this alliance at the start. If he leaves, Ryan might team up with Carly and cause a tie which won't be good.

[Colleen]

I just sent this to Ellen

Okay... I've been thinking about this vote lol

I think we both should vote to keep Ben... I know Ryan will be like "wth" or whatever but yeah, I just feel like we should be the F4 (me, you, Ben, Ryan). If I get to talk to Ryan, I'm just gonna tell her that I wanna stick to the f4 and Carly doesn't deserve a chance at making F3 if she somehow pulls out a win.

Then hopefully one of us wins the next IC so we can tie the vote :/
or if Ben or Ryan win the IC, vote whoever doesn't.

It's gonna suck but whatevs... if they were in our position they would do the same thing.

I've been thinking bout the vote lol. I would feel soOOOooo guilty not pushing to keep Ben because I know he would do the same for me. I shouldn't care that he has good jury management and I won't. I did make an alliance with Ben first and I absolutely adore him <33 Since the start, I've always wanted me/Ellen/Ben. I do think I would have a better chance now against Ryan/Ellen (maybe Carly/Ellen) because I sense the jury might be bitter. Plus they are my girls <33 and for a while I've been thinking that the Ellis alliance = OW female alliance. Altho at times I thought I was Alicia or Kat, turns out I'm either Chelsea or Sabrina Carly = Christina. Ellen = Kim. Dominic = Kat. Ben/Ryan = either Alicia or Sabrina.

I knew this time was gonna come and I really hate having to get my hands dirty. It's the worst thing in the world (well game world) because I hate when people lead me on. But such is life.

[Colleen]

um awkward city when the person you want to vote out is the only person in the chat... want.to.leave.asap.

[Colleen]

I actually won't be able to compete in the IC. I was gonna say in the thread but my friend got us tickets to the australian open so I will be gone all day I have to leave my house 11AM which is 7PM EST

[Colleen]

All I gotta say for now is "wat". #_#

And time to fake it up

[Colleen]

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Week 14

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I feel like such a dog... and that's probably because I am a bitch. *woof* I can't believe I didn't even tell Ben that there were talks about him getting the boot but I was confident that he was staying because Ellen told me that she was voting out Carly. (I AM SO SORRY WHEN YOU READ THIS. I LOVE YOU ) It's such a shitty way for Ben to leave and it's really disrespectful... especially since this cast has been tight and shit. I can't believe Ellen didn't have the audacity to tell him and make him feel like such a loser. That's what pisses me off the most about this vote. >>insert mean words directed at Ellen<< I'm not one to swear but she's a fucking bitch. Plain and simple. She tries to be this sweet girl and for all I know, she could be one but as I've stated previously it's so OTT. No one is that nice and it makes me sick now. I could throw up but I really hate doing that as it makes me cry. I feel like a fool and blah blah blah.

I've mentioned the smartest thing to do was to blindside Ellen but didn't have the balls to do it. I wish I had balls Not big ones though because I don't want them to slap............... lol jk dafuq

Anywayyy I wish I was able to play more strategic and make moves but I'm really big on loyalty so that obviously clouded my decisions. It's such a shame to find out that you've been played and you're only shot is to win a competition. Hmmm.... I wonder why I lost SBB11? because when I needed to win, I couldn't win a damn competition to save my life. I really hope history does not repeat because I wouldn't wanna vote for any of the final 3. Yeah, I vote personally so if I get screwed this round, then Ellen can kiss my vote goodbye as well even though I do think she played a great game but I hate players like that. It's not that hard to play everyone... you must be the fakest bitch or something to be able to pull it off so well.

But yeah, I'm super pissed and annoyed. I feel so bad for Ben, I just can't. I guess the real Kim/Chelsea/Sabrina is Ellen/Ryan/Carly.

WAT

[Colleen]

So bascially once tribal was posted... Ellen sent me a PM. I honestly wanted to ignore it but I have to suck it up. The best revenge is to give them a taste of their own medicine. So pretty much, I have to be the fakest bitch.

Ellen:

I'm so sorry about what just went down. I didn't have the heart to tell you that I'd already made the commitment to keep Carly around over Ben. I hope you can forgive me .

I really hope you understand and know that no matter what I have your back. I hope that the Aussie Open was/is a blast and that we can talk soon! <333

-Ellen

My reply:

hey hey
it's all good.. i just feel bad for ben because he was under the impression that he was staying... so i def feel bad for him and awkward about my vote, lol. but it's all good. it was for the best talk soon!

So I'm gonna pretend that everything is okay and that it was for the best. I don't wanna be too obvious that I'm lying so I mentioned how I felt bad and whatnot.

I managed to catch her in the chat. It was the same shit. I honestly feel like I will be voted out next if I don't win immunity. I mean, she thinks I don't trust her and once you feel like someone doesn't trust you, then you should vote them out. Plus it's no secret that Carly is the one person you wanna sit next too She's a nice girl and all but who is she really?? Like seriously. And since Ellen voted out Ben, she left me vulnerable. I'd like to believe that both Ryan and Ellen will keep me if I don't win immunity but due to all the things that have happened in this game... it's highly unlikely. I'm still gonna act all friendly and whatnot because you never know. I don't wanna be all bitchy and unlikeable because that's why people get voted out.

5:58 PM [Ellen] but I'm much closer with you and Ryan
5:58 PM [Ellen] I was a lot closer with Ben and Dom too but I voted them out, it just sucks I don't want to hurt people or lose friends
6:00 PM [Ellen] even if you don't trust me anymore though I want us to still be friends when this is all said and done, I would understand if you turned against me at this point, for a minute there i was only thinking about making it to 4 and not the ramifications, but
6:00 PM [Ellen] yeah that's me laying everything out for you <3
6:00 PM [Ellen] you're the one person in this game that I've never had any doubts about your true intentions
6:01 PM [Ellen] I would literally trust you with my life and I love you for being so awesome
6:01 PM [Colleen] awww Ellen
6:01 PM [Colleen] you know how to make someone feel good about themselves
6:02 PM [Ellen] unfortunately everyone thinks that's an act or something

Can Ellen seriously piss off with this kinda shit? I wanna punch her in the face but when she says shit like that, it makes me feel like the bad person.

6:26 PM [Ellen] anyway I LOVE YOU THANKS FOR BEING SO JIVE and coolio
6:27 PM [Ellen] you're the best flirty friend a girl could ask for since Natalie Bolton   
~blah blah~
6:28 PM [Colleen]  <3 bye!
6:28 PM [Ellen] love you snuggle bug!

LOL. NO HEARTS 4 U. I am sooooo over being a lesbo in this game. These "females" have put me off.

If I win immunity... I honestly don't know what to do. I would love to vote out Ellen... I think it would be pretty sweet and kinda funny if she somehow left this round. I do think the jury would be bitter but I kinda think Ryan is now the biggest threat only because she hasn't really betrayed anyone as bad as Ellen has.

Anyway I just gotta hope for the best man.

[Colleen]

Ellen leaving

=

[Colleen]

Oh nvm this chall =



It makes me =



because =



I will still try though. And lol @ this gif... it's definitely perfect for what I was feeling above:

[michael]

Jan 20, 2013 9:03:54 GMT -5 Colleen said:

I actually won't be able to compete in the IC. I was gonna say in the thread but my friend got us tickets to the australian open so I will be gone all day I have to leave my house 11AM which is 7PM EST

OMG SO JEALOUS

[michael]

I'm rooting for

Agnieszka Radwanska
Maria Sharapova
Roger Federer


I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GO SEE THEM

[Colleen]

Jan 21, 2013 15:28:36 GMT -5 michael said:

I'm rooting for

Agnieszka Radwanska
Maria Sharapova
Roger Federer


I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GO SEE THEM

I love Federer <3

Omg I felt so unaustralian rooting for him against Tomic xD

[Colleen]

I honestly cannot get into any boards, lol.

#FAIL

[Colleen]

1:10 PM [Colleen] i think ryan will vote me out
1:10 PM [Colleen] and ty for splash
1:10 PM [Colleen] see i wouldnt of gotten that
1:11 PM [Ellen] Yeah I think it's going to tie honestly
1:12 PM [Ellen] they think I'd vote with them but I'm not voting you out
1:14 PM [Colleen] aww

^Oh you think it's gonna tie. Well thank you for being such a great ally <3 I mean you definitely knew it was gonna happen when voting out Ben.

And trying to talk game with Carly is like trying to talk game to a brick wall. It's awkward as fuck and it's pointless. None of us want to say anything... I know I would love to but I know she is whipped by Ryan and anything I say will be used against me. So even though I'm mentioning that we need to vote out Ryan, I would love to team up with Carly but it's not possible since I won't have immunity. I would throw Ellen under the bus too but I need her

12:56 PM [Carly] Sorry for not telling you about Ben.
12:56 PM [Colleen] you shouldn't have to apologise for that ha
12:56 PM [Colleen] i'm sorry i didnt tell you i was voting you out :/
12:57 PM [Carly] I already knew you where voting me :X
12:57 PM [Colleen] i was just under the impression that was how the vote was going, so yeah. i didnt know what to say to you because we dont really talk that much. but yeah, i'm really sorry and everything.
12:57 PM [Colleen] you did?   haha
12:57 PM [Carly] Yeah I did.   
12:58 PM [Colleen] oh super awk right now
12:58 PM [Carly] I know right   
12:58 PM [Carly] So what are you doing at this vote?
12:59 PM [Colleen] how did you know about the vote?
12:59 PM [Colleen] and i'm not sure
12:59 PM [Colleen] i guess, once immunity is announced, ill have a better idea
12:59 PM [Colleen] i assume you will vote for me?
1:00 PM [Carly] I could say the same for you
1:01 PM [Colleen]  right
1:03 PM [Carly] Well we got this settled...   
1:03 PM [Colleen] i mean i'm just worried about this vote
1:03 PM [Colleen] i know i'm not gonna win immunity because i cant get into any boards (dumb dumb)
1:04 PM [Colleen] i think ellen is gonna win immunity, so if we don't vote eachother, we'd have to vote ryan but i know you're close to ryan so
1:06 PM [Carly] I feel the same with you and Ellen
1:07 PM [Colleen] i'm not gonna lie
1:08 PM [Colleen] i am close with ellen, but i am close to ryan too but not so much
1:09 PM [Colleen] but that's what im saying... ellen prob is gonna win immunity. so the vote is between me, you and ryan.
1:11 PM [Carly] I really want to make finals   
1:12 PM [Carly] Im sure you do too.
1:13 PM [Colleen] i do
1:13 PM [Colleen]  
1:13 PM [Colleen] our best shot to win is for us to be in the f3
1:14 PM [Carly] What are you saying?
1:15 PM [Colleen] that we shouldnt vote eachother   
1:17 PM [Carly] How would I know your telling the truth?
1:21 PM [Colleen] well i am up for anything
1:21 PM [Colleen] and i would vote ryan if you voted ryan
1:23 PM [Carly] If thats what gets us to the finals.. I guess so.
1:25 PM [Colleen] but a question though
1:25 PM [Carly] Yes
1:25 PM [Colleen] how did you know I was voting you?   
1:25 PM [Colleen] was it just obvi or what
1:26 PM [Carly] I am not out of the loop of things   
1:27 PM [Colleen] i assume ryan told you then
1:29 PM [Carly] And Ellen
1:33 PM [Colleen] oic
1:35 PM [Colleen] well idk what to say lol.
1:35 PM [Colleen] i feel like the jury would see us the weaker players
1:38 PM [Carly] Everyone does love Ryan
1:39 PM [Colleen] she is amazing

[/size]


Can you say AWKWARD.

Ellen told me she isn't voting me. If she does vote me out, then wow. I know, I shouldn't be shocked but she told me she was keeping me. AND we don't know if this game will be a F2 or 3 so like, it makes sense to keep me because in her eyes I am closer to her and Carly is closer to Ryan.