Post by aj on Jan 14, 2013 18:29:05 GMT -5
Well, at least I saw it coming. At least I wasn't blindsided or didn't lose a tiebreaker challenge. But nevertheless, this sucks. I'm a lot sadder than I thought I would be. But hey, what can you do. I did my best.
I started at this game at the bottom of the totem poll over on Liberty. I wasn't around for the first few days of the game very much, and I wasn't able to make connections as well as the others. On top of that, my partner and I were separated, so I didn't have an automatic person to make an alliance with. Had we not switched tribes after the second judgement, I'm pretty sure I would have gone home had we lost that round's challenge.
When we had that first tribe switch, I saw a new light in the game. I saw another opportunity to make allies and get myself into a better position in the game. And I actually felt very powerful from the moment of the first switch until we merged. However, I never even got to execute any power I had, until the last round before the merge.
So once I made the merge, I had no choice but to keep my faith that Ryan and Carly would be able to wiggle me in with the Ellis people. However, if that was truly what I wanted, I should have voted out Chase. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, though.
This final round, I really fought. I gave every single person reasons to keep me. I think they were afraid that if they kept me around, I'd make it to the end and win, which I still do not believe, but I guess I'll take it as a compliment. I truly don't think there was logic in voting me out. I've said this a million times, but by that last round, I had NO allies left. I would have done anything at that point, except vote out Ryan because I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. I don't win challenges so I can theoretically be taken out at any point. But I guess in the end they really just wanted to be an Ellis family.
I keep thinking to myself, where did I mess up? You could argue that had I voted out Chase, maybe some Ellis people would have found me to be loyal to their side? Possible, but not likely, because in the end, I am still not in the original Ellis family. Aside from that, there's literally only one move I made, which was voting out Leah. So yes, arguably I should not have voted out Leah. However, like Chase said in the jury house, it wouldn't have changed much. I probably would have only made it one round further. Though I really feel like if I were the last Liberty standing, things could have been different, and maybe I could have even made final 6 or 5.
What my mistake comes down to is that I put too must trust into Ryan. I love her a lot and always will, but ultimately, Ryan was playing for herself, and I was playing for myself AND Ryan. So when you realize that that's how I was playing, my moves all make sense.
At the first switch, I didn't even think twice about jumping over to Ben, Carly and Ryan. This is because I didn't want to screw over Ryan. However, if I were truly playing for myself, that wouldn't have even been considered, even with Carly being my partner.
After the second switch, I obviously was set on siding with Carly and Ryan once again. I had to convince Chase that siding with Carly and Ryan was the right thing to do, when he knew deep down we shouldn't trust them. Ryan and Carly promised me over and over that once I was with all the Ellis people, I would make it past 7th place. Ugh, why did I believe this? Why did I take their word on something that others, who I had never been on a tribe with, would do? That's 100% my mistake.
So would keeping Leah that round changed a whole lot? It's really, really hard to say. Maybe she would have come in the merge and made some awesome quick connections, and do amazingly. Or maybe she would be in 8th place right now, Kendell would come in 7th and I'd come in 6th. Or maybe, at final 6, I would have had an easier time pulling out a move, and I would have even made it further.
So, while Leah thinks I'm the biggest idiot in the world for voting her out, I disagree, because it was a conscious decision. I did it to help myself and Ryan in the long run.
Leah has been saying in the jury house that we should have just throwing challenges and voted out all the Ellis people, but we all "decided to play fairly". Lmao when was that decision made? I sure don't remember. I don't like throwing challenges. It's always risky and you don't know what would have happened. Little does she know that even had we thrown those challenges, I would have sided with the Ellis people. So while she thinks that would have given us a huge advantage, it wouldn't have.
Okay, so what if we DID throw those challenges, AND I sided with Liberty, and made the merge in numbers?
Honestly, I was at the bottom of the totem poll the whole time. Leah and Jonah would have stuck together, and they were close with Kendell and Liam. Chase and I would have still come in 6th and 5th, unless we did some serious work on the Ellis people, and it's hard to exactly know how that would have played out.
With all that being said, I honestly don't regret a thing. I know where I probably messed up, however I still wouldn't change anything I did. I didn't want to vote for Chase, so I didn't. I didn't want to turn against Carly & Ryan, so i didn't. I didn't want to throw challenges to save Liberty, so I didn't. Honestly, hosting my own funeral at the end really gave me some closure to this game. After I posted that, I was finally able to accept that there was nothing more I could do.
I basically said everything in my funeral, but I do have a few more final words for each person.
Ben: Still absolutely love him. I didn't like how he abandoned me once he realized he didn't need me anymore. That definitely hurt. He was someone who I literally never wanted to vote out, but he just turned on me with such ease. I still want him to do well in this game though.
Carly: She got way too many free passes in this game, partly thanks to me. Though, she didn't abandon me as much as Ben did, which I appreciate. I think she did try for a few minutes to see if she could get me to stay. She realized that I would have been loyal to her, but there was nothing else she could do to help me. The last round though, since she was the only one that was really trying to save me, I kept asking her for help on what approach I should take, and she just would not help me. I really don't see her getting my jury vote in the end, but we'll see.
Colleen: Colleen and I really finally bonded on the last day, and honestly that might have been enough for her to get my vote, which she never would have gotten before last night. Now I kind of wish I talked to her more. I barely talked to her so I honestly don't know how she fits in with everyone left.
Dominic: I honestly think Dominic and I could have had a super strong alliance had we started out together. He's playing a very good and powerful game, but he definitely needs to watch his back. I don't know if he realizes that his own allies know how strong he is.
Ellen: Ellen is just a genuinely nice person and I appreciate that so much. I think she's playing a great game and I hope she doesn't get screwed over. I'd love to see her in the end.
Kendell: She's trying her best. Like I told her, it's easier for one Liberty to wiggle their way in than 2. I do think she has a shot, but sometimes she just doesn't say the right things. At this point I don't know if I'd vote for her to win.
Ryan: She's still my girl. I would have done absolutely anything to keep her around, and I would have never voted her out. She's truly one of the smartest players I think I've ever seen. So incredibly likeable, a good talker, good competitor, great strategist, smart, she's perfect. I know she has what it takes to make it to the end. I just wish I could have been there with her.
To Annie, Faith, Selena, Michael and any of the other PW's who were supporting me, you guys seriously made me so happy with just a "like" on my confessionals. Yall are so so sweet and I really truly appreciate all the support. Like I've said, I feel like I've pretty much failed at this whole game, so to have people who were actually rooting for me is just the nicest thing ever, and it really means a lot. I hope I can get to know you guys someday, you guys are seriously awesome!! Thanks for keeping up with this game in the depth that you did. I hope I didn't disappoint any of you ):
And finally, to Morgan, you are the BEST HOST ever. The last game I played of yours was 3 years ago, and it was amazing, and this one was no different. I had so much fun, thank you so much for letting me play. I hope i didn't disappoint you. This game is seriously amazing. I hope some day you'll think I'm cool enough to come visit you.
Alright, sorry that was so long and I don't expect anyone to read that, haha, but I just had a lot on my mind. But hey, if I'm leaving this game as the so called "Sweetheart", I really have no complains.
AJ out!
I started at this game at the bottom of the totem poll over on Liberty. I wasn't around for the first few days of the game very much, and I wasn't able to make connections as well as the others. On top of that, my partner and I were separated, so I didn't have an automatic person to make an alliance with. Had we not switched tribes after the second judgement, I'm pretty sure I would have gone home had we lost that round's challenge.
When we had that first tribe switch, I saw a new light in the game. I saw another opportunity to make allies and get myself into a better position in the game. And I actually felt very powerful from the moment of the first switch until we merged. However, I never even got to execute any power I had, until the last round before the merge.
So once I made the merge, I had no choice but to keep my faith that Ryan and Carly would be able to wiggle me in with the Ellis people. However, if that was truly what I wanted, I should have voted out Chase. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, though.
This final round, I really fought. I gave every single person reasons to keep me. I think they were afraid that if they kept me around, I'd make it to the end and win, which I still do not believe, but I guess I'll take it as a compliment. I truly don't think there was logic in voting me out. I've said this a million times, but by that last round, I had NO allies left. I would have done anything at that point, except vote out Ryan because I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it. I don't win challenges so I can theoretically be taken out at any point. But I guess in the end they really just wanted to be an Ellis family.
I keep thinking to myself, where did I mess up? You could argue that had I voted out Chase, maybe some Ellis people would have found me to be loyal to their side? Possible, but not likely, because in the end, I am still not in the original Ellis family. Aside from that, there's literally only one move I made, which was voting out Leah. So yes, arguably I should not have voted out Leah. However, like Chase said in the jury house, it wouldn't have changed much. I probably would have only made it one round further. Though I really feel like if I were the last Liberty standing, things could have been different, and maybe I could have even made final 6 or 5.
What my mistake comes down to is that I put too must trust into Ryan. I love her a lot and always will, but ultimately, Ryan was playing for herself, and I was playing for myself AND Ryan. So when you realize that that's how I was playing, my moves all make sense.
At the first switch, I didn't even think twice about jumping over to Ben, Carly and Ryan. This is because I didn't want to screw over Ryan. However, if I were truly playing for myself, that wouldn't have even been considered, even with Carly being my partner.
After the second switch, I obviously was set on siding with Carly and Ryan once again. I had to convince Chase that siding with Carly and Ryan was the right thing to do, when he knew deep down we shouldn't trust them. Ryan and Carly promised me over and over that once I was with all the Ellis people, I would make it past 7th place. Ugh, why did I believe this? Why did I take their word on something that others, who I had never been on a tribe with, would do? That's 100% my mistake.
So would keeping Leah that round changed a whole lot? It's really, really hard to say. Maybe she would have come in the merge and made some awesome quick connections, and do amazingly. Or maybe she would be in 8th place right now, Kendell would come in 7th and I'd come in 6th. Or maybe, at final 6, I would have had an easier time pulling out a move, and I would have even made it further.
So, while Leah thinks I'm the biggest idiot in the world for voting her out, I disagree, because it was a conscious decision. I did it to help myself and Ryan in the long run.
Leah has been saying in the jury house that we should have just throwing challenges and voted out all the Ellis people, but we all "decided to play fairly". Lmao when was that decision made? I sure don't remember. I don't like throwing challenges. It's always risky and you don't know what would have happened. Little does she know that even had we thrown those challenges, I would have sided with the Ellis people. So while she thinks that would have given us a huge advantage, it wouldn't have.
Okay, so what if we DID throw those challenges, AND I sided with Liberty, and made the merge in numbers?
Honestly, I was at the bottom of the totem poll the whole time. Leah and Jonah would have stuck together, and they were close with Kendell and Liam. Chase and I would have still come in 6th and 5th, unless we did some serious work on the Ellis people, and it's hard to exactly know how that would have played out.
With all that being said, I honestly don't regret a thing. I know where I probably messed up, however I still wouldn't change anything I did. I didn't want to vote for Chase, so I didn't. I didn't want to turn against Carly & Ryan, so i didn't. I didn't want to throw challenges to save Liberty, so I didn't. Honestly, hosting my own funeral at the end really gave me some closure to this game. After I posted that, I was finally able to accept that there was nothing more I could do.
I basically said everything in my funeral, but I do have a few more final words for each person.
Ben: Still absolutely love him. I didn't like how he abandoned me once he realized he didn't need me anymore. That definitely hurt. He was someone who I literally never wanted to vote out, but he just turned on me with such ease. I still want him to do well in this game though.
Carly: She got way too many free passes in this game, partly thanks to me. Though, she didn't abandon me as much as Ben did, which I appreciate. I think she did try for a few minutes to see if she could get me to stay. She realized that I would have been loyal to her, but there was nothing else she could do to help me. The last round though, since she was the only one that was really trying to save me, I kept asking her for help on what approach I should take, and she just would not help me. I really don't see her getting my jury vote in the end, but we'll see.
Colleen: Colleen and I really finally bonded on the last day, and honestly that might have been enough for her to get my vote, which she never would have gotten before last night. Now I kind of wish I talked to her more. I barely talked to her so I honestly don't know how she fits in with everyone left.
Dominic: I honestly think Dominic and I could have had a super strong alliance had we started out together. He's playing a very good and powerful game, but he definitely needs to watch his back. I don't know if he realizes that his own allies know how strong he is.
Ellen: Ellen is just a genuinely nice person and I appreciate that so much. I think she's playing a great game and I hope she doesn't get screwed over. I'd love to see her in the end.
Kendell: She's trying her best. Like I told her, it's easier for one Liberty to wiggle their way in than 2. I do think she has a shot, but sometimes she just doesn't say the right things. At this point I don't know if I'd vote for her to win.
Ryan: She's still my girl. I would have done absolutely anything to keep her around, and I would have never voted her out. She's truly one of the smartest players I think I've ever seen. So incredibly likeable, a good talker, good competitor, great strategist, smart, she's perfect. I know she has what it takes to make it to the end. I just wish I could have been there with her.
To Annie, Faith, Selena, Michael and any of the other PW's who were supporting me, you guys seriously made me so happy with just a "like" on my confessionals. Yall are so so sweet and I really truly appreciate all the support. Like I've said, I feel like I've pretty much failed at this whole game, so to have people who were actually rooting for me is just the nicest thing ever, and it really means a lot. I hope I can get to know you guys someday, you guys are seriously awesome!! Thanks for keeping up with this game in the depth that you did. I hope I didn't disappoint any of you ):
And finally, to Morgan, you are the BEST HOST ever. The last game I played of yours was 3 years ago, and it was amazing, and this one was no different. I had so much fun, thank you so much for letting me play. I hope i didn't disappoint you. This game is seriously amazing. I hope some day you'll think I'm cool enough to come visit you.
Alright, sorry that was so long and I don't expect anyone to read that, haha, but I just had a lot on my mind. But hey, if I'm leaving this game as the so called "Sweetheart", I really have no complains.
AJ out!
